As yogis we are taught to see many different perspectives, not in order to find one that suits our narrative but because we understand that a single thing can look like a thousand different things to a thousand different people…. and we honour that. But honouring different perspectives does not mean accepting bullying.
Bullying is a universal experience. Each of us can probably remember the first time someone “pushed us around” verbally, emotionally or physically. Or perhaps as adults we encounter those ‘passive aggressive’ bullies who try to manipulate, threaten and take away our sense of self worth. Dealing with bullying is never easy or pleasant, but sometimes it comes with the territory of being human. Much of the time the damage created isn’t immediately visible to the rest of the world, it can change our internal dialogue and with that, the way we see ourselves and the world around us. So what happens when we find ourselves the target of a bully – either personally or professionally?
Do we fight against what we see as injustice, do we tell ourselves ‘it’s my fault… I’m the always the problem..’ or do we hunker down and wait for the storm to pass – what’s the enlightened approach? The healthiest approach? Well – be still for a moment, rooted, silent, focus inward, then start to move forward slowly. (I grant the ‘slowly’ part is my challenge, but from experience its one of the most important lessons – and one you’ll be glad you learned!) Yoga teaches us self respect, stress management and compassion towards oneself and towards others – it also teaches us its OK to set boundaries.
Ghandi was a great believer in Ahimsa, non-violence in the face of any opposition (not just physical – but mental, emotional and yes energetic) and not surprisingly, Ahimsa is one of the first practices of yoga. That non-violence (non judgement) begins with how you talk to and take care of yourself.
Don’t let a bully’s opinion define your reality. Ultimately it is important to remember that the bully is not you, and you do not have to take their bullying, their bullying is theirs and theirs alone.
Think of it like this :
‘’Angered & displeased, he went to the Blessed One and, on arrival, insulted & cursed him with rude, harsh words. When this was said, the Blessed One said to him: “What do you think, brahman: Do friends & colleagues, relatives & kinsmen come to you as guests?”
“Yes, Master Gotama, sometimes friends & colleagues, relatives & kinsmen come to me as guests.”
“And…Do you serve them with staple & non-staple foods & delicacies?”
“Yes, sometimes I serve them with staple & non-staple foods & delicacies.”
“And if they don’t accept them, to whom do those foods belong?”
“If they don’t accept them, Master Gotama, those foods are all mine.”
“In the same way, brahman, that with which you have insulted me, who is not insulting; that with which you have taunted me, who is not taunting; that with which you have berated me, who is not berating: that I don’t accept from you. It’s all yours, brahman. It’s all yours.
“Whoever returns insult to one who is insulting, returns taunts to one who is taunting, returns a berating to one who is berating, is said to be eating together, sharing company, with that person. But I am neither eating together nor sharing your company, brahman. It’s all yours. It’s all yours.”
By realising the root of the other persons suffering we can detach ourselves from any personal hurt, taking away attachment.
Sometimes however, the only route available might be what Buddhists call ‘cutting -off” when you learn to “cut-off” negative situations, emotions or responses (eg cheating, stealing or lying) that can potentially cause you harm. We learn not to ‘respond’ but to ‘walk away’ from such aggressors – Re-direct our energy to something more positive.
‘Bullying is an international epidemic, and yes it needs to stop. But before the world comes to its senses, we’re going to have to learn how to deal with challenging people. The truth is we can’t control how other people act or think, but we can control how we respond to those other people. By sending our bullies compassion, asserting ourselves, and choosing not to be defined by their opinions, we can create a happy ending for ourselves.’ Jeff Davis
What would I say to the bullies I have met in my life?
Thank you.
Thank you for redirecting me toward more kind, more loving and more generous people. Thank you for giving me the motivation to move forward, to find compassion and kindness in both my internal and external dialogue. And thank you for the lesson that my own value is not affected by the views of others and that my own boundaries are mine to set and are as valid and worthy as any in the world
